27 May 2009

I've always wondered and I continue to wonder if one changed decision in the past can dramatically effect my present. I think if it were at all possible I would love to see, if I could, the differences in my life if I chose different choices. I have a couple in mind that I wouldn't mind re-doing, but I'm not regretting. I think I turned out alright...hopefully. I think some would disagree with me, but who cares about them..unless I care about them then I don't know what I would do. Oh no, now I'm thinking about that...

If I were to fly anywhere....I would fly home. Hmm..wherever home is...

I want to go/live/spend my time in a cottage on the outskirts of a nice township. It would be nice to live in a small community where lives are shared, but nowadays it seems almost impossible.

Methuselah.
His name means, "when he dies; it shall be sent." He died at the age of 969. And when he died the flood was sent. So for 969 years God was patient and did not unleash His wrath upon the earth.....

-Johny (:

25 May 2009

I spent a minute trying to find the date for my title.
That's pretty pathetic. ( -_-) (-_- )

Well, today is Monday and I'm at home because it is Memorial Day.
First, I would like to thank the many soldier, fathers, sons, mothers, daughters for their sacrifice.
No matter what a person thinks about war and the behemoth that is the military industrial complex, there should be and ought to be a appreciation for the sacrifice that people have made for this country.
Thank you.

I will continue to NOT watch the Lakers games because my uninvolved involvement seems to be working. Everytime I have watched a game the Lakers have lost and every time I have ignored not watched a game they have done well.
Which leads me to my next point:
How do sporting events and just sports in general lead some people to go off on the deep end? It seems that people, mainly men, for one reason or another always put off responsibilities in the name of sports. I find it weird.
That's all.

I don't think I can sleep in unfamiliar environments...Actually, I can sleep well anywhere, that is, I can fall asleep anywhere, but I think the problem comes when I try to stay asleep. For instance, yesterday I fell asleep at Doojin's house while watching T.V. and I woke up 3-4 times. I finally woke up at 10, but that's after waking up at 1, 4, 5, 7:30.
I don't like it.

There comes a point in any person's life where they need to learn how to cook. Well, at least boil water. Nevermind...the microwave has almost completely erased any need for someone to learn how to cook. I think a lot of things which fall out of fashion for the sake of modernity come back because they are so rare and antique.
Okay for now.

My plans for today:
1. Take a shower.
2. Go to the gym.
3. Take a shower?
4. Go to Doojin's for some B.B.Q...PWN!!!
5. Get home and finish some homework.
6. Pick up parents from the airport at 8:30.
7. Get home and try to finish some more homework.
8. Try to sleep before 12 while chatting and playing blockes.

-Johny (:

22 May 2009

Well, today I've decided to write about life.
What about life?
Well, there are things people call life and then there the mundane existences that people like to label life because they don't want to say, "I don't have a life" and then there are the lives of people that are so vibrant and dynamic that I just have to sit and wonder, "what makes them tick?"
Those lives are the ones that I want to write about.
I've always noticed that no matter how much junk a person fills his life with; there are always going to be those times when he doesn't feel like living on a particular day. I've also notice and noted that people, no matter how many "things" they have to do, feel like they're wasting their lives at one point or another. Now, why is that the people with the most successful "lives" always find a way to be sad? (When I say sad I don't mean the once in awhile, "I've got the blues..." sad. I mean the deep deep depression that people feel when they lead meaningless lives) Their lives can't be meaningless..I mean, they're so successful. What happened?
Finding meaning in anything outside of Christ is meaningless.

-Johny (:

21 May 2009

It is nice know that life is held in God's hands.
I don't understand people that believe in Arminianism. I realize that people might not want to believe in a God that chooses people to go to Heaven and thus they think that God sends people to Hell, but we know from Paul's letter to the Romans that "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God." We see here that there is no one who can seek or find God. I know that this might seem scary or hopeless or whatever other adjective that speaks of uncertainty, but this is most assuredly the way that I would choose to obtain my salvation. There is no one that I would rather lean my salvation on than God. He holds me and He sustains me and that is how I would like to keep. I've always heard that God saves and I don't know if it can be the other way. Philippians 2:8-9 says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so no one can boast." This verse clearly stats that it is grace that saves and nothing else can save. No, not even our faith saves us and people don't realize this, but again the verse says, "For it is by GRACE."
Is it the view of God being loving that forces people to believe that God does not choose people? Is it their incomplete knowledge of God's redemptive plan? Or is it people not realizing what the Word of God says? Whatever it is...God chooses those He saves and is just in doing so.
Now, let's just assume the opposite and say that God does not save but man can choose God and in doing so lose God. What happens then? Is it even possible for man to achieve the righteousness required to enter Heaven? I don't know. And let's just assume for an instance that man can gain entrance into Heaven with his own righteousness isn't it equally possible for man to lose his ticket into Heaven.
I've never understood how someone could be so prideful that he would actually think that salvation came from none other than himself.
The Gospel that I believe in says that God knowing that man was depraved sent His own Son, Jesus, to come and be the gap, to bridge God's righteousness to man's fallen-ness. It says that God knowing that man could never get to Him gave His Son, the only sacrifice sufficient enough to cleanse man's sin, so that He can give man entrance into Heaven.
That is the Gospel I believe in.
"...not by works, so no one can boast."

-Johny (:

19 May 2009

Oh the joys of life.
They never fail to surprise me.
I, of all people, should be able to be quiet and know when not to talk, but its hard and I've been going through this questioning stage of my life. I'm curious, though, how everything is going to turn out.
Oh!
I had this really morbid thought about being crippled from the waist down, but the way I reacted was surprising. The first thought came to my mind was not, "Oh shoot, no more basketball" nor was it, "Oh man...its going to be hard to move around." The first thought that came to my mind was, "I'm not going to be able to play with my kids." Which got me thinking.
What in life am I reluctant to let go of?
I think the main things that I'm having a hard time letting go of is the future. Like I said many times before I don't need a comfortable life or a nice house or even a steady job. Actually, about that...I was looking through my blogs in the past and its coming back into my everyday thoughts, but I, in my blog entries, deliberated about being a missionary. Okay back to the circle...I'm holding on to the fact that I'm going to find fulfillment and enjoyment in my family and I think God is warning me ever-so-slightly to not think in that way.
I know that God is the supplier of all fulfillment and enjoyment. I know this with my head and I am certain that it is true, but my heart and mind are at an impasse neither wanting to concede any ground.
I think I need God to prune me some more. Maybe, a little more...actually, a lot more. Pruning is synonymous with pain, but its for betterment of the body. God is my gardener and He wants me to produce great fruit, but no prune no boon. (That was a great, great, great line) Oh man I'm so clever....HAHAHA (:

So, I was thinking about what I want to do after I get back from Korea. Funny how I'm thinking that Korea is already a foregone conclusion, but anyways. I was thinking about school and what I am going to be doing. I think I should finally devote some time to exploring. Exploring and feed the adventurous side that has been lying dormant for sometime now. I've always been adventurous, but this cycle of school and school and more school has somewhat tamed me. Rawr?!

What does it mean when I have a dream where something bad happens, but I don't know what happened. I know that it was really bad because I woke up sweating a little bit and my heart was beating and I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I don't know what it was. Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Life(God) has been very good so far. I think I will evaluate my life when I get to summer, but for now I will say this: There can't be two things in a person's life.

-Johny (:

16 May 2009

Well, first, I would like to say that life is beautiful?
Actually, its precious and delightful and wonderful and so amazingly grand.
I don't know, but I think its time to straighten out.

I just deleted my rambling about my bathroom. (:

I remember when I was younger and Saturday's were so fun.
I used to wake up earlier than everybody in my home because I just had to watch the cartoons. The cartoons, if there good, would make my day, but if they weren't so good...I guess my day would usually still turn out good. I remember I would eat breakfast and just go out and play the whole day. I had nothing to worry about. All my homework was always due on Friday so I could just go and do whatever I wanted on Saturday. I didn't have to worry about tests or essays or anything for that matter. It was so carefree. I like it when the neighborhood kids and I would frolic and make trouble. We would have acorn fights from across the street and then we would get the spiked thingies that fell from the trees and throw them at each other. I remember no one had a pool in our whole neighborhood so we would just go out in the front yard and play with the hose when it got real hot. We then HAD to throw mud at each other. I think I remember one time we even planned a tree house. We drew it out and were so determined to make it, but Saturday ended and we went home and soon forgot about it.
Life was good. Its still good, but life was so...innocent. There weren't too many problems that I had to deal with. The occasional family pet died and tears would fall, but that was usually the worst of it. Maybe, life is more real now, but I wouldn't trade my memories of those special Saturdays for anything.

-Johny (:

15 May 2009

Still organizing things in my head. I need some more time to understand what's going on. I just need to know something. Granted, not everything will be made known, but God something would be nice. I know, I know, but if You could answer this one maybe, no, never mind. I am and never will be in that position and clearly I see that its best that I am never in that position, but it would be...maybe...nice?
I love being able to sit and think and have thoughts just run through my head..just stream through.
Is this the reason? Am I going through this because of that? That isn't what I thought, but whatever. I'm tired.
Friendship.

-Johny (:

12 May 2009

I don't know anymore. I sit here and I think about what I want to write and sometimes its takes me a long time to start writing. Long time because I tend to write about the 4th or 5th topic that pops into my head. Why? I have no idea. There are things that I don't want to share and then there are things that aren't worth sharing. I think I'm getting weighed down a little bit. I think that life was easier last year. At any moment in 2008 I was at least 3x happier than I am today and I know happiness is so relative, but it is the truth.
Life comes at you fast. It is here and then gone and then before you know it...what you thought you were holding on to is not there anymore. I'm think I'm letting go of a lot of things right now. I'm not trying to hold onto things anymore.
I was thinking today as I was driving to school today and I asked myself this question, "am I depressed?" I still haven't answered it. I really don't know what's wrong with me right now.
I used to think when I was younger that one day I would fly away. I don't know what to think now.
I know its all over the place, but its very therapeutic for me. I needed to start somewhere and right now anywhere is a good place to start.
I remember in junior high I thought about dying a lot. Different ways that I would die. These thoughts would just pop into my head. In high school I would think about different ways I would die while in my car. Man..this is so morbid and I realize it and I'm sorry. I haven't thought about dying in a while. I think it has been a long while. Now, I think about living a sad life. I don't want that. I don't know what I want, but I know THAT is not what I want. I don't know...
I'm definitely in a funk right now. A big rut that I need to get out of. I don't know, but am I just counting down the days for my departure? Is that why I'm so..numb to things?
Things need to move forward. Or actually I don't know if I want them to. I'm really confused with things that go on in my head. I scare myself sometimes. What's going on?!

Today is the day that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice and be glad in it.
This is the day that the Lord has made...

11 May 2009

Amazing how those subtle reminders tend to speak loudest to me.
I've always said that I don't need to know and I think I mean it, but there are those times every now and again that make me wonder.
I also know that saying that, "God, its in Your hands," does not mean that I should sit on my butt and do nothing. I think I'm doing what God wants me to do. I think this whole bit about 'God's will' is just confusing me. I guess I would like to note that I am okay with whatever. I say that now, but I hope I mean it when life gets hard or when it gets easy.
I think people don't realize how hard it is to serve God when times get easy.
I think I'm finished for now..

-Johny (:

05 May 2009

Today was my best day yet with being sick and all.
I feel as though I am recovering just nicely.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers....heh.

I figure today I will write about on relationships.
I think that God is so good.
He is super smart too and He knows what we want and when we go off and do things He doesn't want us to and go mingle with people He doesn't want us to mingle with He'll somehow, through friends or circumstances, bring us back to Him.
I think its good to pray to God for a future husband or wife. I've always heard that it was good so today I thought I might ask Pastor Roy and he said that it is very good to do such because when we pray we're are asking God to fulfill our need and our desires and as we pray He will continually mold us and shape us according to what He desires in our lives as well. I think we see this in Genesis when God saw that Adam was lonely. I don't think God was oblivious to Adam's loneliness. I think God knew about it, but He also knew that He wanted to be provider for Adam's longing heart. God's heart is big. Even when they sinned and separated themselves from God by eating the fruit and then knew of their nakedness. They were still covered with the clothing that God had provided for them. God handed out the punishment, but still showed His mercy covering their sin with the shed blood of an animal. Such a beautiful picture.
I want to be continually molded so that I could be the husband that I would want my future wife to have.

-Johny (:

02 May 2009

Today when I woke up I felt sick. I don't like that I'm sick, but I will take the bad with the good. I hope its just a cold and I think it is because I was talking to Doos and he said that when someone has swine flu they experience trouble breathing. So, I'm not worried and, honestly, if I did have it..oh well. I would be sad about the chance that I can give it to other people, but that's the only reason I would be sad.
I was lying in bed and I thought to myself, "Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" That was just a general question I asked myself and the answer surprised me. (I tend to talk to myself a lot mainly because I like to. It's fun. I think people think they know themselves, but deep down I'm surprised of the thoughts that pop into my head sometimes.) The answer was, "Johny, you're definitely doing what you're supposed to be doing." The answer was very comforting because sometimes, actually more often than not, I get depressed about where I am in life. I'm 23 still haven't graduated college, living with parents, don't even have a job. Sometimes I get really down on myself and tend to beat myself up, but then..I don't know..I guess I want to say that I find comfort in Christ, but its hard. It really is. I don't know...sometimes I tend to think..."is this it?" And then I get down on myself again. I don't think this cycle will end because it is a constant war between the flesh and the spirit.

There are somethings that I would like to make better in my life. Things that I would like to improve. I need to finish things that I've started and make I do my best while doing them.
I'm listening to a song that Erin and Suelynn were singing at their house when I joined them for a late night dinner and its a good song. I like it. I've heard it before, but didn't really appreciate it, but its good.
I think I'm done for now.

-Johny (: