I'm a little confused....

Sometimes I wish I were gone.
Actually I wish I were long gone.
Like...right now.
Right now meaning the past year or so.
Yes, I'm so blessed to be in a situation where love is abundant.
Overwhelming actually.
Love so overflowing that I really don't know how to respond.
God is amazing.
He really is.

No matter how amazing God's love is.
There has to be a realization by the receiver.
The realization of where the love is truly coming from.
I'm not so sure if I've fully realized this.
Or if I'm just at a point where I'm apathetic about it.

Apathy is my biggest downfall.
I really do wish that I cared more in general.
I used to care so much about everything.
I still do care.
Not to the extent of how much I cared before, but at least I still care.
Right?

I'm driving myself crazy over stupid things.
Not stupid things.
I would like to take that back.
I'm driving myself crazy over things that I thought would never drive me crazy.
Never.
I haven't been myself and I'm just not ready to be myself yet.
I'm not in a place right now to go running back.
To wherever back is.

I come back to where I was before.
I really need to go.
Get away.
Move.
Get away from everything.
Get away from everything that makes me, me.

...I think it's just how I am.

Forget who you're supposed to be....

I was in my room...
Watching A Walk to Remember..
Great movie by the way..
It was about 2 am...
I can't fall asleep anymore...
It's now 5 am...
crazy...

I'm going to quit my job...
It's not good...
Maybe I should think it over...

I love randomness...
Random thoughts, random phone calls, random trips...
They make my day...to the max

I think I'm going to watch the movie again...
Right now...
Cool...

Be who you want to be...

Where to go from here...

I was there.
I was right there.
I was so close.
I lose.
This time by choice...halfway.
Story of my life.

Maybe I should go home.
I haven't been in awhile.

It can't get much better.
Fireworks are beautiful.
It sucks when I'm on the freeway and people just stop in the middle of the freeway.
I hate that.
Because I hate traffic.
But then again it gives me a excuse to slow down and look.
There's always something good in the bad.
There's always that silver lining.

...nowhere but up.

I think I'm all caught up now...

Which would be worse?
If you were in a situation where you could not possibly win...
Or to win everything just to lose it all?

Went to work today after 3 hours of sleep.
It was quite the dands.
I realized that rest is very important today.
Unless there is something or someone more important.
Then rest like everything else in that situation goes down the list.

...wait...I've got one more episode to go.