30 April 2009

Today has been an interesting day so far.
Interesting, not because of the incidents that happened, but because of the new thoughts that have just flown into my head.
I've been collecting Bible verses and quotes that I enjoy or have come across that struck me as profound or interesting or even those that just have personal, sentimental meaning.

I think people put too much meaning in who they want to be. I'm talking to and about Christians. They focus so much of their attention on how they will succeed in life that they have completely neglected the person that God has called them to be. People say that they want to be a strong woman or a successful man or whatever they tell themselves that they want to be, but they don't realize that a person is truly satisfied only in God and they will be dissatisfied and will continue to be dissatisfied with life until they realize that life is stupid, utterly stupid without God.

-Johny (:

28 April 2009

Mistakes happen and relationships falter because that's what happens when depraved, fallen people live together. The beauty is that we can live at all. God holds us and never relinquishes control over our lives and His love covers us. He is so Good.
Love never fails because He never fails.
This week has been real eye-opening. God has been teaching me about what Love is. I'm so amazed by it and so saddened because I can never love God the way He loves me. Never can, never will and yet in the midst of this He loves and continues to love.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs...
As I examine just some of the qualities that are attributed to Love...I'm sorry.
It comes down to this..people make choices and sometimes they hurt. Sometimes it hurts so deep that it might be hard to forgive, but Love is more than that. Love is bigger than that...

-Johny (:

27 April 2009

I'm in a funk.
I don't know what's wrong and why I'm in a funk, but I do know that I'm in one.
I haven't been thinking about ways of getting out it because I'm weird and sometimes I like being in this place. For one odd reason or another I'm totally digging this feeling right now. It could have to do with certain situations that I've went through or am going through, but it doesn't have to be. We've got the funk.
Right now, I'm thinking about my future. It pops up once in awhile and now is one of those times. I'm not much into living a lavish lifestyle. I just don't need it. Sometimes it'd be nice to have one, but its only out of a desire for comfortable living that I would want that, but I would be lying to myself if I didn't say that it wasn't there. I've always lived in comfort. I don't think I've had to worry about money once in my life and I thank God for that everyday, but that does not mean that I couldn't live in a place where it would be "harder." Comfort and joy and all these good things are found in God.

I was talking to a friend and she was saying that she doesn't want her identity to be in any other. Which got me thinking..Where is my identity found in. Where do I go to find who I am. I would love to say, "I find my identity in Christ alone. He is my everything," but I can't get myself to say such a thing. I've been wrestling with this for a few months and now I'm in a bind.

I need to figure out some things in my head.
I need to see where I fit.
I need to get a hold of my life.
and then we will see.

-Johny (:

21 April 2009

I am not fasting anymore.
My parents were in favor of me not fasting.
The weather was prohibiting my ability to perform necessary tasks.
I wasn't doing what I intended to do while fasting...as much as I wanted to.
Those are stupid, weak, cop-out excuses.
I was lying in bed last night and I just felt this overwhelming sense of guilt because I ended my fast early and I couldn't fall asleep because of it. I still feel it right now, but I think that I am okay with it. I need to stay in this place for awhile. I didn't go to school today because on my way I just couldn't get it into my head that I was going to school. I just couldn't get myself to get on the freeway. I took a turned around and now I'm at home. Good thing. God, through a pastor on the radio, had something to tell me and He wanted me to listen. It is about Jesus' ascension and what He is doing presently, at this very moment.
He's praying for me....

15 April 2009

Today is Wednesday and I'm trying to update everyday on my 21 day journey.
Yesterday I don't know why I didn't update. I had an opportunity to update, but for one reason or another I just didn't. So, today I will give an update on yesterday (a little bit) and today.
Yesterday was a little harder than expected. I was hungry for a little portion of the day, but when I thought about the reason why I was fasting the hunger didn't really matter. It was still there, but it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I went to Solo's BBQ and I went to hang out. Good thing I took my water bottle because the smell was intoxicating and that's when the hunger pain really hit, but again, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
Today was weird. I woke up a little dizzy, but its all good. I went to school and am still here, but hopefully I make it through today alright because today has been maybe the easiest day and I know that its only the third day, but I'm not feeling any hunger.
God has and is showing me a lot. I'm reading through the book of Jeremiah and it is really insightful on God's heart for His people and how they(we) continuously turn away from God and He continuously forgives and calls them back to Him. God has a huge heart and it is amazing to me that He can forgive and keep on forgiving.
I wanted to fast because I wanted to pray. It is my fault that I haven't been praying as much as I wanted, but I wanted to pray for the students at the church I serve in. I don't know what they're going through, but from the looks of things it doesn't seem like its all good. I guess it hurts sometimes seeing the kids that I serve and love going and making some of the same mistakes that I've made and for some people, yeah, I'm going to concede the fact that maybe they're not saved and they'll never be saved, but I can't stop loving, right?

-Johny (:

13 April 2009

I was sitting in Easter service on Sunday and as Pastor Roy was giving his sermon on Revelation and how it is tied in with the Resurrection of Jesus I couldn't help but notice my own self and my utter disregard for Jesus' call to depend on Him. I have decided to fast for a extended period of time. I was thinking, "I have to fast. I have to refocus my energy and effort." So, as I was driving home from dinner I was talking to a friend of mine and I came to the time period of three weeks. 21 days. I don't know why this number came into my head, but I knew it was the right number. I fell asleep and when I woke up I sat at my computer finishing my paper and I thought, "Man, I'm hungry." Haha. That has nothing to do with anything...I just thought I might put that in there.
I was driving to school at 11 and I was listening to a sermon on the radio. It was about Daniel and how the king during the time gave a decree that allowed the Jews to go back to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple. As time went on the Jews became lazy and when this news reached Daniel he fasted for 21 days. It might not be the case, but I took this as affirmation for what I decided to do.
I'm writing here because I want to write about my days as I struggle and find fulfillment in God.I also write here because I want to be kept accountable for what I am doing. Please...ask about my walk with God when I see you if I don't tell you first.
There are prayer requests and they are:
1. I need to go back to the the importance of the Gospel.
2. Refocus my energy and efforts and channel them into being a better witness.
3. God deserves my everything and I pray that as I abide in Him and try to fully depend on Him I would not be distracted.

-Johny (: