12 May 2009
I don't know anymore. I sit here and I think about what I want to write and sometimes its takes me a long time to start writing. Long time because I tend to write about the 4th or 5th topic that pops into my head. Why? I have no idea. There are things that I don't want to share and then there are things that aren't worth sharing. I think I'm getting weighed down a little bit. I think that life was easier last year. At any moment in 2008 I was at least 3x happier than I am today and I know happiness is so relative, but it is the truth.
Life comes at you fast. It is here and then gone and then before you know it...what you thought you were holding on to is not there anymore. I'm think I'm letting go of a lot of things right now. I'm not trying to hold onto things anymore.
I was thinking today as I was driving to school today and I asked myself this question, "am I depressed?" I still haven't answered it. I really don't know what's wrong with me right now.
I used to think when I was younger that one day I would fly away. I don't know what to think now.
I know its all over the place, but its very therapeutic for me. I needed to start somewhere and right now anywhere is a good place to start.
I remember in junior high I thought about dying a lot. Different ways that I would die. These thoughts would just pop into my head. In high school I would think about different ways I would die while in my car. Man..this is so morbid and I realize it and I'm sorry. I haven't thought about dying in a while. I think it has been a long while. Now, I think about living a sad life. I don't want that. I don't know what I want, but I know THAT is not what I want. I don't know...
I'm definitely in a funk right now. A big rut that I need to get out of. I don't know, but am I just counting down the days for my departure? Is that why I'm so..numb to things?
Things need to move forward. Or actually I don't know if I want them to. I'm really confused with things that go on in my head. I scare myself sometimes. What's going on?!
Today is the day that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice and be glad in it.
This is the day that the Lord has made...
Life comes at you fast. It is here and then gone and then before you know it...what you thought you were holding on to is not there anymore. I'm think I'm letting go of a lot of things right now. I'm not trying to hold onto things anymore.
I was thinking today as I was driving to school today and I asked myself this question, "am I depressed?" I still haven't answered it. I really don't know what's wrong with me right now.
I used to think when I was younger that one day I would fly away. I don't know what to think now.
I know its all over the place, but its very therapeutic for me. I needed to start somewhere and right now anywhere is a good place to start.
I remember in junior high I thought about dying a lot. Different ways that I would die. These thoughts would just pop into my head. In high school I would think about different ways I would die while in my car. Man..this is so morbid and I realize it and I'm sorry. I haven't thought about dying in a while. I think it has been a long while. Now, I think about living a sad life. I don't want that. I don't know what I want, but I know THAT is not what I want. I don't know...
I'm definitely in a funk right now. A big rut that I need to get out of. I don't know, but am I just counting down the days for my departure? Is that why I'm so..numb to things?
Things need to move forward. Or actually I don't know if I want them to. I'm really confused with things that go on in my head. I scare myself sometimes. What's going on?!
Today is the day that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice and be glad in it.
This is the day that the Lord has made...
posted by Johny at 11:22 PM
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