02 May 2009

Today when I woke up I felt sick. I don't like that I'm sick, but I will take the bad with the good. I hope its just a cold and I think it is because I was talking to Doos and he said that when someone has swine flu they experience trouble breathing. So, I'm not worried and, honestly, if I did have it..oh well. I would be sad about the chance that I can give it to other people, but that's the only reason I would be sad.
I was lying in bed and I thought to myself, "Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" That was just a general question I asked myself and the answer surprised me. (I tend to talk to myself a lot mainly because I like to. It's fun. I think people think they know themselves, but deep down I'm surprised of the thoughts that pop into my head sometimes.) The answer was, "Johny, you're definitely doing what you're supposed to be doing." The answer was very comforting because sometimes, actually more often than not, I get depressed about where I am in life. I'm 23 still haven't graduated college, living with parents, don't even have a job. Sometimes I get really down on myself and tend to beat myself up, but then..I don't know..I guess I want to say that I find comfort in Christ, but its hard. It really is. I don't know...sometimes I tend to think..."is this it?" And then I get down on myself again. I don't think this cycle will end because it is a constant war between the flesh and the spirit.

There are somethings that I would like to make better in my life. Things that I would like to improve. I need to finish things that I've started and make I do my best while doing them.
I'm listening to a song that Erin and Suelynn were singing at their house when I joined them for a late night dinner and its a good song. I like it. I've heard it before, but didn't really appreciate it, but its good.
I think I'm done for now.

-Johny (: